Letters from Germany

Hallo zusammen,

I moved to Germany temporarily for work in my field. I've been trying to stay artistically "alive," but it's difficult. For one, I try to spend most of my free time travelling and meeting people, which is fun, to an extent. I found myself pushing myself too hard to be active while forgetting a huge chunk of me is an introverted snail who needs time to recuperate by drawing. 

So my inattentive lack of self-care has caused me to become continuously emotional. I'm happy when I'm riding on trains or buses, when I "allow" myself to "do nothing" because it's normal to do nothing on train and bus rides. I'm frantic in new cities, trying to cram in everything - I'm testy and anxious and sometimes mean to my travel partners. And then I'm sad when I return to normal life, because it's not nearly as stimulating as traveling is.

And there are physiological effects - when I think of all the planning I have to do, my shoulders tense up. And since I am always planning, my shoulders are always tensing, causing me unnecessary chronic pain. That chronic pain has prevented me from drawing, writing, or spinning as often as I want to keep my skills sharp. So I've let my practices fall to the wayside, which saddens me more and causes me more stress.

Anyways, don't get me wrong - I'm really grateful to be here, and I've experienced a lot of awesome stuff and met some wonderful people. But I have to remember, I really can't do it all, I can't give my 100% to everything, and I'm not going to be the best at everything I do. Nothing is going to be perfect, and my expectations can't always be so ungodly high for everything and everyone. Including myself. Because doing so just destroys me and my relationships and my experiences.

I feel bad I haven't been as active in my art, my friendships, my letter writing, etc. as I wanted. But I'm trying - I am really, really trying. And I'm trying to be nice to myself, which, I guess, is the hardest part.

TL;DR traveling to somewhere new does not solve your problems - in fact, it may exacerbate ones you didn't know you had. So be careful and take care of yourself

also I'm much more active on instagram
www.instagram.com/willowescape…